Week 4 INF Editing Notes (all lecture needs to know this)

HERE IS WHAT GOOD EDITORS DO ASIDE FROM ALL THE GSP WORK:
The story was well-reported and thorough when I received it for editing, but I felt like we buried the lede. The headline was “Lake City man arrested for armed robbery,” and there was no mention of the Jesus chanting until at least six grafs in. To me, the story’s newsworthy factor was its oddity – without that peg, it’s just another crime story. I reworked the piece to make the interesting bit the lede, and moved the charges and other dry details lower in the story. The re-angled story is here:
HEADLINE: Armed robber flees home when women chant ‘Jesus’  <http://www.wuft.org/news/2013/01/29/man-arrested-as-suspect-for-armed-robbery/&gt;
LEAD: An armed robber broke into a Lake City home hosting a jewelry party Friday night, but fled the scene when the women attending chanted “Jesus” at him.
YES! YES! THIS IS A BIG PART OF WHAT EDITING IS ABOUT – SEEING THE REAL STORY IN A STORY.
NOTE HOW THIS STORY WENT VIRAL: http://bit.ly/14yPwsA

LOVE LINKING BUT DO TAKE CARE: I liked the link to a police report in a story this past week. Of course you have to be careful doing this. In what way? Here is link: http://www.wuft.org/news/files/2013/01/case13002861-Eric-Heinemann.pdf

LEG UP: We are slowly getting this, but let me say it again:
GOVERNMENTAL BODIES 2: Here is part of the rule from AP on legislature:
legislature Capitalize when preceded by the name of a state: the Kansas Legislature.
Retain capitalization when the state name is dropped but the reference is specifically to that state’s legislature: TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) – Both houses of the Legislature adjourned today.

HERE IS A MEMORY DEVICE:

leg up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CONCISION=PRECISION:
He said that young athletes have developing nervous systems that don’t mature until REDACT THE THAT https://intelligentediting.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/redact-the-that-rule/
Students are completely banned from activity COMPLETELY?
it infringes on their personal freedom to smoke in a public PERSONAL?
… directors and actors that will be in attendance WILL BE ATTENDING – VERBS=ATTENDING – ARE ALWAYS STRONGER THAN NOUNS=ATTENDANCE. SO, SHORTER IS STRONGER AND VERBS ARE STRONGER.
U.S. employers added 157,000 jobs  … in the month of January. DO YOU NEED “THE MONTH OF” ??
The child was first reported missing after REPORTED MISSING A SECOND AND THIRD TIME?
State legislature to evaluate mental health spending CAN YOU STATE THAT AGAIN
He said that Florida must implement REDACT THE THAT

ARE YOU APPOSITIVE NO COMMA?
…construction should begin no later than July 31, 2014 and be completed
VS
…construction should begin no later than July 31, 2014, and be completed

Florida’s Attorney General Pam Bondi assured constituents she will continue
VS
Florida’s attorney general, Pam Bondi, assured constituents she will continue

Saturday, Feb. 2 from noon to 4 p.m.
VS
Saturday, Feb. 2 from noon to 4 p.m.

MORE THAN ONE MOTHER?
The Daytona Beach Police Department learned Thursday that Robert’s mother K’Tina White left him
The Daytona Beach Police Department learned Thursday that Robert’s mother, K’Tina White, left him
MORE THAN ON MANAGER?
Hawthorne’s city manager Ellen Vause said. WRONG
Hawthorne’s city manager, Ellen Vause, said. CORRECT
Hawthorne City Manager Ellen Vause said. CORRECT
Hawthorne’s City Manager Ellen Vause said. WRONG

GOT YOUR NUMBER: “In addition to the books, which is still the no. 1 reason that people
FROM AP:
No. Use as the abbreviation for number in conjunction with a figure to indicate position or rank: No. 1 manNo. 3 choice.

TITLE TITILLATION:
… including Florida senator Marco Rubio SENATOR IS CAPPED IN FRONT OF NAME AND ABBREVIATED SEN.
It was about Governor Scott’s THAT WOULD BE GOV. JUST LIKE SENATOR IS SEN.
Following his confirmation as the next Secretary of State, Sen. John Kerry made stops across Massachusetts Thursday SEC OF STATE IS NOT REALLY IN FRONT OF NAME – THUS, NO CAPS
EGADS, HE IS WHAT? Marion County Sheriff’s Office Public Information Officer Judge Cochran said.

ASSERTIONS NEED ATTRIBUTION: The city placed signs for smoke-free zones in some public areas last year, but they’ve been largely ineffective because there is no way to enforce the violations.

STORY IDEAS – BREAK OUT OF THE BOX: Someone suggested a story about the Hoggetowne Medieval Fair, which is a fine event-driven idea. But it is a perennial. I know when I was a reporter and editor, I tried to find new ways of covering the yearly county fair or the annual parade in ways that had not been done before. Could WE do this with our Fair? Can we discover a unique way of telling an old story. For example – we celebrate this medieval life – but I have read a bit about medieval history, and life was pretty gruesome. It might be fun to report on what it was really like in medieval times as a feature accompanying this standard story. We certainly must have a history prof or two on campus who knows something about this.

COMMA SPLICE – TWO INDEPENDENT CLAUSES HERE: “I’m not a tree-hugger or anything,” Sanford said, “I’m just interested in the uplifting films.” DON’T BE FOOLED BY THE INSERTION OF ATTRIBUTION.

LEADS – DARE TO NOT BE BORING:
Gainesville’s newest Wal-Mart Super Center, located between state Route 441 and NW 23rd Street, had its grand opening ceremony Friday at 7:30 a.m.
THIS LEAD COULD CERTAINLY BE PUMPED UP A BIT. EXACT ADDRESS COULD GO LATER – SOMETHING ABOUT A MILLION PEOPLE CROWDED THE PARKING LOT AND A MILITARY BAND PLAYED AS GAINESVILLE’S NEWEST WM OPENED FRIDAY. THESE ARE THE KINDS OF THINGS EDITORS SHOULD THINK ABOUT AND SUGGEST AS CHANGES.

DARE NOT TO BE BORING 2: A Gainesville man accused of second-degree murder turned himself in to police Sunday evening, according to Officer Ben Tobias, spokesman for Gainesville Police Department.
RECALL ME TALKING ABOUT ABSTRACTIONS VS. CONCRETE LANGUAGE – COULD WE NOT SAY:
A Gainesville man accused IN THE BEATING DEATH OF ANOTHER MAN turned himself in to police Sunday evening, SAID Officer Ben Tobias, spokesman for Gainesville Police Department.

NEWS IF THEY WERE NOT: Sheriff’s Office continues to investigate shooting of Marion County man ALWAYS SEE IF YOU CAN WEAVE IN SOME NEWS INTO SECOND-STORY HEAD AND LEAD. FOR EXAMPLE, BURIED AT BOTTOM WAS NOTE THAT COPS ARE LOOKING FOR WITNESSES. THAT COULD BE WOVEN INTO LEAD.

VAMPIRE DIARY: Someone noted in a diary entry that some were confused about style on blood types. The following is from AP’s ask the editor online:

Q. What is the style with blood types? Type O Negative%3B type O Negative%3B type O negative%3B or with a hyphen between O and negative (type O-Negative) in whatever form of capitalization is correct. – on Sat, Sep 15, 2007

A. Type A, Type B, Type AB, Type O … also, Type 0-positive, Type O-negative.

About eight percent of Caucasians, four percent of African-Americans, four percent of Hispanics and one percent of Asians are O-negative.

REMINDER – AP STYLE ON PERCENT: Use figures for percent and percentages: 1 percent2.5 percent (use decimals, not fractions), 10 percent, 4 percentage points.

NO COMMA BECAUSE: Carpenter said this rule has exceptions, because the commission reallocated district boundaries for single member districts in December.

WHEN YOU INTRODUCE A NEW SOURCE – PUT NAME AT FRONT.
The effect of the bans may lead to a significant rise in the prison population and possibly cost taxpayers, Marion County Sheriff Chris Blair said.

The synthetic drugs are marketed to children and young adults, Bondi said, and have kid friendly names like “Scooby-Doo” and “cotton candy.”

HE V. SHEE: fiance (man) fiancee (woman)

COPS AND CONFESSIONS: I have talked to several eds about being careful with cops and confessions. This reading should open eyes. http://wp.me/p1AcEx-d4

JARGON ALERT:
were taken into custody – WHAT DO WE REALLY MEAN HERE?
Thompson and Heinemann were transported to the Marion County Jail  WHAT DO WE REALLY MEAN HERE?

KILL THE ZOMBIE PASSIVE VOICE: Some worry that legitimate massage parlors will be affected by the new bill,

GOOD RE CUTTING PASSIVE:

  • Original: The bill was drafted by state Sen. Rob Bradley, who represents Alachua, Bradford and Clay counties.
  • Updated: State Sen. Rob Bradley drafted the bill. Bradley represents Alachua, Bradford and Clay counties.

 SENTENCE YOUR LEAD TO 1 SENTENCE: Florida is known as a hub in America for human trafficking. Human Trafficking Awareness Month is coming to a close, and lawmakers are continuing efforts to curb the practice by putting more measures and penalties in place to shut down illegal massage parlors.

AN AGE-OLD REMINDER:

Always use figures. The girl is 15 years old; the law is 8 years old; the 101-year-old house. When the context does not require years or years old, the figure is presumed to be years.

Use hyphens for ages expressed as adjectives before a noun or as substitutes for a noun.

Examples: A 5-year-old boy, but the boy is 5 years oldThe boy, 7, has a sister, 10. The woman, 26, has a daughter 2 months old. The race is for 3-year-olds. The woman is in her 30s (no apostrophe).

JOB TITLE IN QUOTES – WHY? Three Gainesville men, including fraternity’s ‘risk manager,’ caught in sexual predator sting

SEMICOLONS ARE LITTLE FENCES:
Lance Thomas Kriete, 20, of 13 Fraternity Row, Benjamin Wade Parker, 23, of 4117 SW 20th Ave., and Richard Lee Ashcraft, 40, of 1021 NW 23rd Ave., were taken into custody
WHEN YOU HAVE A SERIES LIKE THIS CLOGGED UP WITH COMMAS, USE SEMICOLONS TO FENCE OFF ONE FROM THE OTHER. THIS IS HOW YOU ALSO WOULD DO SURVIVORS IN AN OBIT.
Lance Thomas Kriete, 20, of 13 Fraternity Row; Benjamin Wade Parker, 23, of 4117 SW 20th Ave.;  and Richard Lee Ashcraft, 40, of 1021 NW 23rd Ave., were taken into custody

DOES THIS VIOLATE THE FRENCH POODLE RULE? This exhibit features the most complete skeleton of a Titanoboa found to date.
MAYBE THIS WOULD HELP: Titanoboa, pron.: /taɪˌtænəˈboʊ.ə/ ty-TAN-ə-BOH-ə; meaning “titanic boa,” is a genus of snake that lived approximately 60–58 million years ago

WHAT CHA GONNA DO?
“I think they’re of an age where they can make that decision better on their own and that they, you know, understand the problems that they’re gonna have,” French said.
A LITTLE LOOSEY GOOSEY ON THE LANGUAGE HERE.  

quotations in the news (Source: AP Stylebook)

Never alter quotations even to correct minor grammatical errors or word usage. Casual minor tongue slips may be removed by using ellipses but even that should be done with extreme caution. If there is a question about a quote, either don’t use it or ask the speaker to clarify. If a person is unavailable for comment, detail attempts to reach that person. ( Smith was out of the country on business; Jones did not return phone messages left at the office. ) Do not use substandard spellings such as gonna or wanna in attempts to convey regional dialects or informal pronunciations, except to help a desired touch or to convey an emphasis by the speaker. 

CITIZEN RULE: Tobias said students and citizens thanked officers for ensuring the crosswalk was being used correctly. YOU ARE THE CITIZEN OF A COUNTRY ONLY. THIS IS COP JARGON – THIS IS FROM AP:
citizen, resident, subject, national, native A citizen is a person who has acquired the full civil rights of a nation either by birth or naturalization. Cities and states in the United States do not confer citizenship. To avoid confusion, use resident, not citizen, in referring to inhabitants of states and cities.

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