Week 5: INF Editing Notes (All lecture need to know this stuff)

Week 5-INF Editing Notes

(All lecture need to know these common editing issues)

 This week, I am missing three diaries and I have one that lack links to work.

 CUT, SLASH AND BURN: “Originally, the story was about 2,000 words, but we were able to cut it down to around 1,000 before we left.

FINE, I ASK, BUT WHO IS MAKING THE DETERMINATION ABOUT DESIRED LENGTH OF STORIES? IF THERE IS SOME PROTOCOL ON PARAMETERS, WRITERS NEED TO KNOW. I ONLY SAY THIS BECAUSE THIS CAN BECOME A SOURCE OF FRICTION IN A NEWSROOM.

PRESSING FOR PRESS RELEASES

  1. Officials said the cutback is a result of a decline in mail delivery with the increasing prevalence of email and Internet usage, according to the New York Times.  HERE IS A PLACE WHERE WE COULD TRACK DOWN THE PRESS RELEASE(S) THAT SAY THIS WITHOUT QUOTING OTHER MEDIA.
  2. Detzner made the recommendations, which include extending the early voting schedule, adding new and larger early voting sites and limiting ballot length, after Florida Gov. Rick Scott tasked Detzner with seeking out and receiving input from elections experts throughout the state on how to improve Florida elections and voter confidence, according to Sunshine State News. OK, ALL I DID WAS TYPE IN — PRESS RELEASE DETZNER FLORIDA IMPROVE VOTING – AND UP POPPED AS SECOND ITEM LINK TO PRESS RELEASE http://www.dos.state.fl.us/news/communications/pressRelease/pressRelease.aspx?id=631 FROM WHICH WE COULD HAVE WRITTEN OUR OWN STORY RATHER THAN QUOTING ANOTHER NEWS OUTLET.

CONCISION:

  • people can comment with their thoughts through March 13.
  • In an effort to keep taxes on residents neutral, the bill
  • the mortal remains of King Richard III — THEY CERTAINLY WOULD NOT BE THE IMMORTAL REMAINS.

Check out this little concision exercise as editors honed one sentence:

  • Original: “The car was occupied by two adults and four children who were not injured.”
  • Modified: “The two adults and four children who were in the car were not injured.”
  • Good concision instincts – this was further modified to:

“The two adults and four children in the car were not injured.”

DON’T BURY THE NEWS:

Claire Sunquist Blunden, stakeholder coordinator for imperiled species management planning, said by opening commentary to the public, the FWC hopes to get feedback from public partners and people who feel they have some insight into how to aid these imperiled species. ATTRIBUTION BETTER AT THE END

The Senate Commerce and Tourism Committee approved a bill Tuesday requiring online companies to pay sales tax on purchases made by Florida residents.

VS

Online companies would have to pay sales tax on purchases made by Florida residents, under a bill the Senate Commerce and Tourism Committee approved Tuesday.

Kurt Wenner,  Florida TaxWatch vice president for tax research, said this is not a new tax.

VS

This is not a new tax, (NEWS UNBURIED) said Kurt Wenner, vice president for tax research for Florida TaxWatch, a YADDA YADDA YADDA. PLEASE DON’T ASSUME EVERYONE KNOW WHAT THIS IS – ALSO COULD LINK TO http://www.floridataxwatch.org/

ALSO, DARE NOT TO BE BORING: Gainesville Police Department spokesman Ben Tobias said the crash happened around 5:30 a.m. and involved a semi-truck and a car. The driver of the car, Tyler Clayton Gaultney, 31, died at the scene. PUT ATTRIBUTION AT END

ALSO – CRASH HAPPENED? ZZZZZZZZZZZZ – ENLIVEN A BIT – “A SEMI-TRUCK AND A CAR COLLIDED AT AROUND 5:30 A.M. …., SAID ……”

MORE DARE NOT TO BE BORING: THE LEAD: The Marion County Board of County Commissioners unanimously approved its part of the incentive plan to pay for a FedEx Ground hub in Ocala at a meeting Tuesday morning.

WITH A BIT MORE REPORTING WE COULD PUSH THE LEDE TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE RELEVANT.  WHAT IS MISSING HERE IN THIS LEAD – THEY AGREED TO KICK IN HOW MANY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO BUILD HUB THAT WOULD CREATE HOW MANY NEW HIGH-PAYING JOBS?

DEFINING MOMENTS THAT GIVE CONTEXT, BACK FILL HOLES: So, see above on TaxWatch. To leave this title by itself without defining it is a hole in story. Here is an editor who was thinking about these things: “The main edit I suggested on that article was to include a sentence near the top of the article explaining what FPL is for people in North Central Florida who might not be familiar with the utility. I suggested adding how many customers the company serves and what areas it serves, a minor change, but I think one that adds needed context.”

Porter’s Community Farm participates in Local Food Week

I WANT TO GO, I WANT TO GO. BUT THE STORY DOES NOT TELL ME WHERE IT IS. THAT IS A MAJOR HOLE. REMEMBER WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY AND HOW?  ADDRESS WITH LINK TO MAP WOULD BE NICE.

INCLUDE RULE:

The first 23 species include 11 birds, five species of fish, four mammals, two reptiles and one amphibian.

FROM AP: include Use include to introduce a series when the items that follow are only part of the total: The price includes breakfast. The zoo includes lions and tigers.

Use comprise when the full list of individual elements is given: The zoo comprises 100 types of animals, including lions and tigers.

See compose, comprise, constitute.

HOUSE RULE: The bill is moving forward within the house, but it must go through three more Senate committees FROM AP: House of Representatives Capitalize when referring to a specific governmental body: the U.S. House of Representatives, the Massachusetts House of Representatives.

Capitalize shortened references that delete the words of Representativesthe U.S. House, the Massachusetts House.

Retain capitalization if U.S. or the name of a state is dropped but the reference is to a specific body.

BOSTON (AP) – The House has adjourned for the year.

NON-JOURNALISTS AS PART OF STORY: This is a whole new age of journalistic interactivity with commenting and running Twitter embeds and such things as Storify http://storify.com/about. What this means is we have many more legal, ethical and taste issues to deal with. This week we used Storify on a couple stories.

Story 1 and Story 2.   Problem was there was some pretty rough language in Story 1’s Storify – the kind we would never write in a story. This is always a problem when you allow the Hoi Polloi to enter the journalistic arena.

I love this editing catch by a thinking, focused editor: The script had the title as “assistant curator of vertical paleontology” at the Florida Museum of Natural History and the correct title is “assistant curator of vertebrae paleontology at the Florida Museum of Natural History.”

VIOLATIONS OF FRENCH POODLE RULE:

Researchers examining Burmese Python carcasses

them King cheetahs

SPELLING HINT: Accomodate – here is how to remember this – accommodate has room for two c’s and two m’s

SPOKEN FOR: I keep noting this and I am seeing fewer occurrences, but still: Laura Aguiar, manager of public relations and government affairs for the Gainesville airport (11 WORDS), 

VS

Laura Aguiar, an airport spokeswoman (3 WORDS), said.

OTHER EXAMPLES:

Sgt. Angy Scroble, public information officer for the Ocala Police Department,

said Brianna Swales, the communications coordinator for Shands.

Jeannine Robbins, manager of the Office Public Communications for the Ocala City Council,

EXPLICIT LINKS: Rametta said he wants to support the proposal by taking the survey.

John G. • 4 days ago

This is great news for GNV.
Where can I take the survey?

NOTE THIS COMMENT ON STORY FROM A READER – THE STORY NEVER SAYS DIRECTLY THIS IS LINK TO SURVEY. THE READER WAS NOT AWARE FROM THAT THIS LINK WOULD TAKE HIM TO SURVEY.  WE NEED TO BE MORE EXPLICIT WITH LINKS.

ALLEGED PROBLEM: Dorner, 33, is wanted in the alleged killing of two people in

THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS IS SAYING. ALLEGEDLY TWO PEOPLE WERE KILLED. YOU CAN TAKE OUT “ALLEGED” – “IN THE KILLING” IS SHORT FOR “IN CONNECTION WITH” – WHICH IS TRUE – BUT WE ARE NOT CONVICTING THE SUSPECT. PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT: ALLEGEDLY INNOCENT SUSPECTS RE THE USE OF ALLEGE: http://www.poynter.org/uncategorized/69578/word-watch-allegedly-innocent-suspects/

AN ASSEMBLY LINE: the man produced a knife 

MOST EDITORS WILL TELL YOU THIS IS COP TALK – HE IS NOT MANUFACTURING A KNIFE. HE PULLED OUT A KNIFE, HE DISPLAYED A KNIFE

PHRASALS: black out is not a noun as two words

See this reading on phrasal verbs vs. nouns: http://public.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/phrasal.html

GOOD EDITS:

  • I checked the 2013 Python challenge website to make sure the Gainesville Sun reported the exact amount of pythons that have been caught GOOD FACT CHECKING
  • I worked through the police jargon and also made sure to double-check hyphenated words, addresses, ages, name spellings and times. I also added tags for SEO. YES!

FUZZY WRITING:

  • As a result, about 2,000 associates will be displaced. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN – LOSE THEIR JOBS? SOUNDS LIKE PR-SPEAK.
  • This rise in gas prices affected Gainesville residents like Bob Becker, who does a significant amount of driving for his job. QUESTION TO ASK HERE IS WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT? THOUSAND MILES A WEEK?
  • “A seatbelt infraction for the longest time was a secondary offense,” Tobias said. “Now that we see that seatbelts are now a primary offense, maybe this could be a steppingstone for a texting ordinance where it’ll move into a primary offense some time soon.”  THIS IS ALL Gobbeldygook  – BE CONCRETE ABOUT WHAT HE MEANS – PARAPHRASE AND DEFINE

LET’S PARTY: I am seeing a lot of pols without party affiliation. Here is what AP says about this.

party affiliation Let relevance be the guide in determining whether to include a political figure’s party affiliation in a story.

Party affiliation is pointless in some stories, such as an account of a governor accepting a button from a poster child.

It will occur naturally in many political stories.

For stories between these extremes, include party affiliation if readers need it for understanding or are likely to be curious about what it is.

ZIPPY: FROM AP: ZIP code Use all-caps ZIP for Zoning Improvement Plan, but always lowercase the word code. Run the five digits together without a comma, and do not put a comma between the state name and the ZIP code: New York, NY 10020.

ECHO EFFECT:
Even though she’s been here close to four years, Gammel still misses home from time to time.
“I miss home, especially at the end of the season when you’ve been away for so long…
WATCH THE ECHO ON MISS MISS HOME FROM ONE GRAPH TO ANOTHER

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